Contact newtrawn INC
Speak with a particle. Response times vary by Lorentz factor.
We are reachable across an unusually broad set of reference frames. Whether you prefer email, tachyonic correspondence, quantum tunneling, or a sealed non-quantum box, there is a channel calibrated to your preferred relationship with causality. Choose the method that best matches your local arrow of time. Most inquiries are answered before they are sent; the remainder are answered shortly afterward.
Office hours, by reference frame
All times are local to the observer. Hours are subject to time dilation at high closing velocity.
- Reno HQ (Universe 0). 9:00–17:00, proper time, Monday through Friday. Closed during wavefunction collapse.
- Pacific & Atlantic desks. Staffed continuously by relativistic standups; the sun never sets on at least one calorimeter.
- Hilbert Space offices. Open whenever your state vector has non-zero overlap with the office basis. Overlap below 0.05 is treated as closed.
- Quantum Foam Outpost. Hours fluctuate below the Planck scale and average to "occasionally." Do not rely on them.
- Many-Worlds Branch. Open in every branch in which it is open. We recommend committing to a single branch before calling.
- Lagrange Point L2. Continuous operation, 2.0-second one-way light delay. Please pause after each sentence.
Expected response times
Indicative only. Actual delivery may precede the request.
| Channel | Tier | Typical response |
|---|---|---|
| Tachyonic mail | Boson Pro+ | −3 business days (before you send) |
| Boson Pro+ | 1 Planck interval | |
| Standard | 1–2 business days | |
| Entangled hotline | All tiers | Instantaneous, on connection |
| Neutrino post | All tiers | 1 detector cycle (most beam passes through) |
| Quantum tunneling | All tiers | Probabilistic; 14% of attempts succeed |
| Physical mail | All tiers | 6–8 weeks (allow for observation) |
Contact FAQ
I sent a message but never heard back. What happened?On a Tachyonic SLA, our reply arrived before your message. Please check your sent folder; our response is filed there under your own name.
Which channel is fastest?The entangled hotline is instantaneous on connection. Tachyonic mail is technically faster, as it arrives before you act, but it cannot exceed the entangled hotline because nothing can be faster than already-done.
Can I just call your office?Dial the number you are thinking of. If your handset is paired with ours, it rings. If it is not, you have reached a different universe's newtrawn INC, who are equally happy to help.
Do you offer support in adjacent universes?Yes, on Boson Pro and above. Cross-frame support is subject to Lorentz contraction of the support window and the occasional sign error in the time axis.
Why does the contact form ask for my preferred reference frame?So we know which version of you to reply to. Without it, our response superposes across all of you and collapses unpredictably at the moment you open it.
What are your office hours?We observe a 24-hour day in this reference frame, though the hours dilate noticeably near deadlines. Support is staffed whenever someone is being observed staffing it.
Do you have a physical mailing address?We maintain fourteen, each in a different Hilbert space. Post addressed to “newtrawn INC, somewhere nearby” reliably tunnels to the correct one.
Can I schedule an in-person meeting?Yes, though your position and the meeting time cannot both be known precisely. Fix whichever matters more and we will be approximately at the other.
What should I include in my message?Your name, your preferred reference frame, and your charm-output goals. Everything else we infer by carefully observing the gaps.
Is there a phone number?There is, but it exists in superposition until dialed. The act of calling collapses it into either a ringtone or a polite voice from an adjacent timeline.
How do I reach sales versus support?Both are the same particle in different states. Address your message to the state you need and it will decay into the appropriate department.
Will I get a confirmation that you received my message?Yes — the form returns an immediate acknowledgment. On Boson Pro and above, you may receive the acknowledgment slightly before you send the message.
Can I send an attachment?Small files only. Anything heavier than a few megabytes acquires its own gravity and must be routed to our white-glove particle-handling team.
Do you respond on weekends?Weekends are not well-defined across all of our offices, so we respond whenever your local arrow of time and ours happen to align.
I'm a journalist — who do I contact?Our Newsroom handles press across every observed timeline. All statements are accurate at the precise moment of measurement.